Table of Contents
How I dealt with the loss of my identity and how I found a new rhythm.
If you've read the About Me page, you've probably noticed that I've lost my job before. It's not pleasant, is it? But it can happen. Life just happens. I'm smart, hardworking, studious, consistent, honest, and creative. So what could be the problem? Even smart and talented people can get laid off. It doesn't reflect their value, they just don't fit into the corporate train at the time.
When I was laid off, I had a week to hand everything over. The company simply laid off a few people, and I was among them. Last week, with a business card in my signature, 4 days with a business card in my signature, 3 days, I thought. At that time, every email I sent was like a sad enter into the approaching new world. The expiration date of my email was approaching incredibly quickly. I still wanted to do so much.... I really like working as such.🙂 Moreover, I really loved the one I was doing. I helped implement technologies that I had previously invented for clients in the same company. I was in contact with colleagues across the country and beyond. But suddenly I was redundant. Was I sorry? Really. That's why I devoted the last few days to providing my colleagues with all the necessary information and helping to close out open topics. I knew I would cry. But now I had no time to grieve. There was simply not enough time. A few days, and it was over. Formally and financially everything was fine, correct, but what happens in the mind and heart of a person who lives with the feeling that they belong somewhere? Suddenly, the last day. God... it was a whirlwind. Handing over things, deleting the company profile from the phone. Contacts for all colleagues were gone by pressing the "uninstall" button. Then cleaning the computer..... I stand there and watch the guys I had coffee with a week ago, how they sadly reinstall my computer, and delete the current Dana. "Done, Dani, I'm sorry." Me too, it sounded in my head. One last lunch with the girls from the side team. You can do that Dana, I told myself... and you can cry at home.
Well... but the crying didn't come. Somehow it disappeared for a while. For the first few days, I felt a bit like I was on sabbatical. But I knew it would come. I was facing a completely new situation. What now? It was like I was facing an empty place. There's nothing here, an empty Outlook, no e-mail, no business card. (Apart from greetings and questions from former colleagues, how are you doing?) Occasionally, a call from a client, whom you just directed to the colleague who took over your agenda.
I remember spending that first week curled up on the couch, watching Netflix, because I really had no idea what to do. I didn't want to rush into anything right away. I loved the job. I was sorry. All I could think was "Redundant." Even if you leave with dignity, it hurts if you love the job. I had a variety of colleagues. I really liked most of them, but there were a few where we didn't have chemistry. It's purely statistical. In every team, there are those who are less understanding. There were even those to whom my straightforward ideas seemed politically-corporately irrelevant. But many still perceived my work and help as very useful. I had to gather my thoughts in that initial vacuum and realise that just because I fit in somewhere doesn't mean I belong there. I left peacefully. I still love that place to this day because it's full of great people I loved working with.
I finally realised that fitting in didn't mean belonged.
I started to think, "What now?"
A few tearful nights passed. I'd be lying if I just said, "Thank you for the great opportunity, I've moved on a lot, and everything is cool and sunny." Like you can see on LindekIn posts… It's time for a new challenge from then and there, so see you darlings." And waiting for likes? That's not for me. I realised that I'm probably too serious for these posts. I could just write: "I'm so sorry that I won't be here for all of you, my beloved colleagues and friends, from March." But I would get likes on the post, and I would actually just be sorry. I'm not used to wallowing in sadness. But it's clear that you have to move on. Every cloud will be blown away by the wind one day. I knew I had some time. So what now?
I asked myself a fundamental question: What am I actually good at?
I wrote it down on paper. Not only the positive things, but also what I perceive as my area of development, and I started thinking about how I would deal with my knowledge and skills. Despite the fact that I simply rested for the first two weeks, I also became frustrated with the absolute freedom and my options and directions.
I found that after two weeks, I started to miss the routine. I go to work, then pick up my daughter from kindergarten. I come from the online digital world. I invented applications and ran e-shops. How can I still deal with that today in the wild world of AI?
One of the fundamental things for me was the realisation that I want to stay in the online world. I don't have to be an AI startupist and a technology guru. There are many areas in which a person can exist! I started educating myself on everything I had missed in the online world over the last 4 years. God, there was a lot. 🙈
In addition, of course, I had to deal with my real life, such as taking care of my health and social insurance, registering with the employment office, and reviewing the family budget. You are no longer on your own, but you are also responsible for the children you are raising. After the first few weeks, I caught up on a significant part of what I had missed in recent years. So I was able to throw myself back into the online world.
I set my own new routine
In the morning, my daughter and I get up, have breakfast, and go to kindergarten. (The other one is already studying outside the home.)
I am starting to work on these sites
Do I miss my colleagues? Yes. But I can't mourn forever. I have to look ahead. Have you ever heard that if someone belongs in your life, you will meet again? That's why I don't look back. I accepted it peacefully, I cried, and it's time to move on. I consciously decided to start living more in the present. If you miss the children's performance, the lost experience cannot be invoiced.
What helped me a lot?
I confided in my family and friends about the situation. They were a huge support to me. Everyone around me said: "I'm not worried about you, you'll find something right away." But I knew that I didn't even know if I wanted to look for something right away.... I knew that I needed to sort out my thoughts and feelings so that I could set a new direction. My family and closest friends helped me a lot in this regard.
When I was looking for a new direction to move forward, it also helped me a lot to realize what I can do, what I like to do, what would be useful for others, and at the same time, what I could earn money from to cover my expenses. See IKIGAI.
I didn't want to join groups for the unemployed because I think it's very important to stay among "active" people. I realize that the more I sink, the more I will have to surface again to catch my breath. I guess I'm just too realistic.
So now I'm writing. 😉 Here I am with my daily routine and newfound optimism.
And I'm slowly starting to take a new direction. Maybe you are too, or maybe you're just still looking for something. What can help you? My goal is to live a long, happy, and fulfilled life. That is why I have decided to now transfer some of my experiences to the online environment. I believe I am not the only one going through this period or asking existential questions. I am sure that more of us are looking for meaningful work that will entertain us.
If you are in the same place, ask yourself the following questions:
What do I love to do?
What am I good at?
What does the world need?
What can I get paid for?
Have you ever noticed the concept of Ikigai? It is a Japanese approach to conscious living. It motivates a person to think about things differently... Everyone wants to be useful and have their place in the anthill. Ikigai helps us identify this place.
So I have started devoting energy to this blog. It fulfils me. My day is productive, I am internally satisfied, and time will tell where everything will smoothly lead.....
If you're in a similar situation, slow down. Decisions are rushed and can often be wrong. Life is now. The past is gone, and the future isn't there yet. Yes, we need to think about the future, but to what extent is our choice...
Have you ever lost your job? How did you cope with the first month?
And sometimes when it does, I'll definitely remember to sign my name out of habit, like I did at work when I wrote emails.
Have a nice day
Dana Elias 😊
